So I Hear You Want Friends… Why Though? (3 reasons you need to stop caring about what others think)
So you want to be liked… I mean, who the heck doesn’t want friends who love them?
I know I sure do 🙋♀️ … and I especially did between ages 14 to 21.
But here’s the problem: you care way too much about being well-liked (and if you’re wondering, yes that statement counts towards social media “likes” as well).
So how do you fix that problem and why is it so important to do so?
Well it’s incredibly important for the sake of your mental well-being and self-confidence! And let me tell you, I wish I figured this one out years ago. So here are 3 ways on how and why you must stop caring about having friends and likes.
#1 Know The Truth
Whether it’s in the high school cafeteria or the workplace lunch room, how comfortable would you be sitting by yourself and enjoying a solo meal?
Chances are, you wouldn’t feel comfortable all by yourself in a public space. I mean, everyone would be watching you and thinking “OMG, look at that loser with no friends.” …right?
WRONG (at least for the most part).
The truth is, no one is looking at you. No one cares if you’re by yourself, vlogging in public, or (god forbid) shopping with your parents. People only care about themselves so you can stop being concerned about “everyone looking at you.”
HOWEVER, I don’t want to lie to you. Assholes exist and they seem to exist moreso in high school where young and under-developed brains dominate. And these young brains may in fact make comments about you sitting by yourself. They might even talk shit behind your back about how you “sat by yourself at lunch”.
So here’s the truth about that:
The shit-talkers do not have the self-confidence to sit by themselves at lunch because they themselves think people will judge them. So when a shit-talker sees someone CONFIDENTLY sitting on their own, they presume the same thing about that person – no confidence and no friends.
This person is making a huge judgment/assumption about you, based on the way they feel about themselves.
So the question remains: why do you care if a judgmental person thinks something bad about you? You probably don’t want to be friends with them anyways.
The truth is: you don’t need to care about people who don’t care about you. The earlier you learn this lesson and adopt the self-confidence that comes with it, the quicker you’ll become comfortable in your own, independent, bomb-ass skin.💣
Learn the truth now and save yourself the depressed and lonely feelings.
#2 Forget about Trying to Stand-Out, BUT Don’t Forget About Being YOU
I often hear people saying things like “be YOU to stand out from the crowd“. That’s all fine and dandy, but here’s the problem with that: standing out is lonely and people are obsessed with having friends!
You likely want to be part of a crowd because that means you’ll vibe with the crowd…and that means the crowd will love you! …right?
WRONG AGAIN! 🤦♀️
If you’re trying to fit in with the crowd, the crowd doesnt love YOU, they love whatever you’re trying to be (and in this case, you’re trying to be like the crowd – like them!)
The people in the crowd are not your real friends. They are friends with the façade you put-on while with them.
“So then Ella, why not try to stand-out?”
Well firstly, I don’t want you to focus on standing out like an attention seeker would… nobody likes that type of person. And secondly, standing-out means having the self-confidence to be seen and potentially judged. And because you are likely fearful of being judged, you will NOT want to stand-out.
The trouble is, by choosing to be yourself you will stand-out a little. And of course I want you to be yourself! I just don’t want you to be scared of doing that.
So maybe we just need to change the focus of the messaging to something like this:
“Be truly you to be truly liked.”
If you want to be truly liked, you will attract true friends with your own personality. “Being you” might be lonely at first, but eventually you’ll attract your very own “crowd”. And because that crowd is genuinely similar to you, you’ll be true friends for a very long time.
So if you want to be liked, just be you. Don’t focus on standing out, but rather focus on standing with your true tribe.
#3 Care Less
What significance does popularity have on your life?
If you read last week’s blog post, then you know the answer to that question.
Most people think popularity adds lots of value to their life. And hey, in the moment, popularity makes you feel good about yourself (I can’t deny that)! But that good feeling wears-off fast, so in order maintain that “popularity high” people will spend money on the trendiest clothes and post selfies on their Instagram. Sooner or later those “likes” will start rolling in.
Stop that you guys!
Stop caring about the social status game. Stop caring about the façade necessary to put-on for a temporary popularity high.
If you ask me, caring about your “social status” and your “follower count” is just a different way of saying you care more about what others think of you than what you think of yourself. When you put pressure on yourself to be liked, you attach your happiness to popularity. And when you don’t get the popularity you’re looking for, you feel sad and lonely.
The trick to happiness is the quality of your friendships NOT the quantity of friendships in your life. The only thing you should care about is having the right friends, not having all of the friends.
PLUS, how are you supposed to make this the #YearOfYou if you’re focusing on fitting in and being liked???
So in a world of online vanity metrics and popularity games …
… just be you, care less, and have a Happy f*cking Monday ❤✌
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*Disclaimer: I am not a medical or mental health professional. Any information and content on my website is not a substitute for professional advice.